KEN GRABOWSKI: Lifespan of a political candidate can be a short one

In today’s world candidates come and go from the political arena faster than you can blink an eye.

On many occasions they pull out of a race before anyone knows they are in it. The ink on the bumper stickers isn’t even dry, and they are gone from the race.

That started me thinking, which in and of itself can be a scary proposition. Those who read my column regularly are well aware of the fact that once I start thinking, it usually ends up in a column.

I read this week that former 101st State Rep. Dan Scripps and Tom Stobie, who both lost to Ray Franz in the past, declared they are once again seeking that seat in the state legislature. Hearing that news it started the wheels in this giant coconut turning.

Why not me?

So I am happy to announce this morning that after much soul searching and deliberation, I have decided to toss my Detroit Tiger hat (after the year they are having I don’t want it anyway) in the ring (envision balloons dropping form the ceiling right now and a band playing music to “Happy Days are Here Again”) for the 101st District State representative seat.

My first dilemma was choosing a political party. Since I am neither a Republican nor Democrat, finding something to appeal to the masses from Maxwelltown to Fish Town in the 101st District is the key to my success.

Wanting to show that I am a man of action —unlike the politicians who can’t pass a thing in Lansing, I decided to call my party “The Ex-Lax Party.”  Our platform will be “send me to Lansing and I will get things moving.”

Many of you are probably wondering what qualifies me to be a member of the state legislature.

Well first off I have sat through countless board meetings, meaning I have developed a “backside of steel.” That would would enable me to sit for hours through committee meetings and even filibuster sessions if they should arise.

Along those same lines is I have been subject to more “bull” than a farmer who raises bulls for a living. Yes, not everything that comes out of board members and administrators is true or profound.

A third skill is the ability to nod, smile, say “uh huh” about 30 times in a conversation and not hear a word that is actually being said. I could match “uh huh” for “uh huh” with the most seasoned politician.

Toss on top of that, after listening to them for so many years, I have mastered their language. Doubt me? Then read this.

“We realize that a problem has developed in that area and right now we are surveying the situation. Then  we will analyze the data and begin working on a solution that benefits everyone. I realize the importance that every child gets the best possible education, every senior citizen keeps their Social Security and, most importantly, every veteran gets the (music to ‘God Bless America’ starts now) benefits they so rightfully deserve.”

No mention of how I plan to do it, but sure sounds good. In other words my candidacy would be based on the solutions most of the people that are currently sitting in Lansing carry which means — I don’t have a clue. See? I am a natural for politics.

However, as I said in the opening paragraph to this column, most political candidacies end in the blink of an eye. So, it pains me at this time to announce that after much soul searching and discussion with my family, I am ending my bid for the 101st District State House seat.

I want to thank all my loyal supporters over the past five minutes for the kind words, support and work they did in the trenches fighting the good fight for those 300 seconds. It changed my life forever, and I will be eternally grateful for what you did well beyond when I… see you next Wednesday.

avatar

Posted by Ken Grabowski

Ken is News Advocate’s education reporter. He coordinates coverage for all Manistee County schools and West Shore Community College. He can be reached by phone at (231) 398-3125 or by email at kgrabowski@pioneergroup.com.

Leave a Reply